In 2005:
1. Paris Hilton was attacked and clawed by her pet monkey while shopping for
a) A Diane Medak Silk Detail Halter
b) Pet food
c) A Mercedes 450SE
d) A bullwhip
2. David and Victoria Beckham
a) Erased David’s face from the official Real Madrid Soccer team photo
b) Erased Victoria’s face from the Wikipedia photograph of the Spice Girls
c) Erased son Brooklyn’s face from all copies of his school album
d) Erased Victoria’s boob job from the public record with a lawsuit
3. Scientists discovered that beer might prevent
a) Heart attacks
b) Cancer
c) Depression
d) Erections
4. Tennis Bunny Anna Kournikova had a computer virus named after her, called
a) The 30-Love Virus
b) The I Love You Virus
c) The Anna Kournikova Virus
d) The No-Talent Big Hooters Virus
5. At The Cannes Film Festival, Britney Spears announced that
a) She was going to star in a sequel to Crossroads
b) She was suing Indiana singer Steve Wallace for copyright infringement
c) She was set to produce a movie about car racing
d) She was set to throw up from morning sickness
6. Shipping Magnate Paris Latsis said he’d jilted Paris Hilton because
a) He wanted kids; Hilton didn’t
b) He saw the Paris Hilton sex tape and called it off
c) His Mom saw the Paris Hilton sex tape and called it off
d) The whole world saw the Paris Hilton sex tape and called it off
7. Lucie Cave’s World's Stupidest Celebrities quoted Christina Aguilera as saying
a) “When you come to a fork in the road, take it”
b) “I owe a lot to my parents—especially my mother and father”
c) “Weasels ripped my flesh”
d) “So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?”
8. Renee Zellweger’s May-September husband Kenny Chesney claimed that the split from her
a) Was like being hit by a truck
b) Was like kidney stones
c) Was like losing his TV set
d) Was like having to listen to a stack of Clint Black CD’s
9. Russell Crowe was arrested for throwing a telephone at
a) A waitress at New York’s Bar 89
b) His ex-agent Jennings Lang
c) A clerk at New York’s Mercer Hotel
d) “…that skinny fag Keanu Reeves”
10. Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria asked Jennifer Aniston to forgive her for wearing a t-shirt that read
a) “Team Angelina”
b) “I’ll have your baby, Brad”
c) “I never liked Friends, either”
d) “I fucked Brad Pitt and all he gave me was this lousy t-shirt”
11. Which of the following is not a line from Madonna’s Confessions on a Dancefloor
a) “Sticks and stones will break my bones”
b) “Life's gonna drop you down like a limb from a tree”
c) “I like New York/ Other places make me feel like a dork”
d) “I’m their savior/ That’s what they call me/ So Lauren Bacall me”
12. In his infamous Today Show appearance, Tom Cruise told host Matt Lauer
a) “I see dead people”
b) “You don’t know the history of psychiatry. I do.”
c) “Billions of neutrinos are passing through your body right now”
d) “Why do you think they call it dope?”
13. Who said “sleeping with Angelina Jolie is like fucking the couch”
a) Val Kilmer
b) Billy Bob Thornton
c) Jon Voight
d) Jennifer Anniston
14. Winner of the 2005 Razzie award for worst screen actor was:
a) Ben Afflick
b) Ben Stiller
c) Ben Gazzara
d) George W. Bush
15. The infamous Colin Farrell sex tape is alleged to show
a) Farrell having his way with model Nicole Narain
b) Farrell having his way with model Carolyn Murphy
c) Farrell having his way with Paris Hilton
d) Oliver Stone having his way with Farrell’s performance on the set of Alexander
15. Jude Law publicly apologized to girlfriend Sienna Miller for
a) Having an affair with one of his costars from Alfie
b) Having an affair with one of his children’s nannies
c) Forgetting their anniversary
d) His performance as Errol Flynn in The Aviator
16. Mel Gibson announced he was writing and directing a new film entitled
a) Passion 2: Electric Boogaloo
b) The Ten Commandments
c) Appocalypto
d) Mad Max: End Times
17. When a groupie complained publicly about the quality of Owen Wilson’s
performance in bed, Wilson replied
a) “that’s what I get for buying my prescriptions over the internet”
b) “It was even worse from my end”
c) “There are lots of paths to the waterfall”
d) “Sic transit gloria mundi”
18. British tabloid The Sun was successfully sued by Cameron Diaz for falsely claiming that
a) She was snorting coke with both hands and a dory bailer on the set of In Her Shoes
b) She was carrying on an affair with a television producer
c) She’d had a botched breast augmentation
d) She’s been so whacked out on pills shooting Gangs of New York that they’d had to dub her voice
19. Commenting on Tom Cruise’s 2005 misadventures, screen legend Lauren Bacall said
a) “I wish he’s grow up”
b) “Bogie could have mopped the floor with him”
c) “What else would you expect from somebody from that lunatic religion?”
d) “When you talk about a great actor, you're not talking about Tom Cruise”
20. Jennifer Connelly told Esquire magazine that during sex she also likes to
a) Talk on the telephone
b) Read a book
c) Shop online
d) All of the above
Correct Answers: 1a; 2c; 3b; 4c; 5c; 6c; 7d; 8c; 9c; 10b; 11d; 12b; 13b; 14d; 15a 16c; 17c; 18b; 19d; 20d.
-Published in The Weekly Scoop, 2006
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